Help! Technology ate my job and Siri shut me up – Orange County Register


Yup. I’m about to be out of a job, and know-how is accountable.

Self-driving automobiles are to turn out to be a actuality. How they’ll maneuver with out me it’s too quickly to say

I’m an expert backseat driver, although my precise location has all the time been sitting in entrance, subsequent to the human driver.

It isn’t any simple process, as I’ve to be conscientious and in a position to instruct my associate, prompting him to maintain his eyes on the street.

I see myself as director of visitors, and every other individuals who – of their naivete – deem that none of my enterprise are irresponsible, as I see it as serving to my small space of humanity to be cautious and secure once I badger them with any of the next:

“You’re driving to sluggish.”

“You’re driving too quick.”

“Maintain your eyes on the street.”

“Cease wanting on the babe within the bikini.”

“Oh boy, you might be so naive.”

“That’s not her actual nostril”

“Or breasts.”

“Or tooth.”

“She’s most likely a Hollywood starlet.”

“Oops, is {that a} Kardashian?”

I keep in mind one time, when apparently somebody’s prayers had been answered, or possibly it was only a dream. I heard somebody whisper, “Jan, sleep with the home windows open. Snow and wind are enhancing your nagging abilities.”

After which I had laryngitis and couldn’t converse.

On the next day within the automobile, the motive force checked his ears to verify his listening to support was turned on. Then, due to the eerie silence, he began to show again, pondering he left me at house.

Since these job-killing, self-driving autos make my important contribution to the world out of date, I requested my in-phone assistant Siri to document my options for the motive force, for posterity.

First she gave the impression to be writing my to-do and not-do record. Then she stopped and shouted, “You, Jan, are the actual purpose self-driving autos had been obligatory within the first place. Get out of my automobile!”

It isn’t Siri’s automobile, however mine. Nevertheless, since she is aware of an excessive amount of and might destroy my life if she revealed any of it, I’m hitchhiking house.

When I’m secure and out of her management, I’m switching to Alexa’s grandma with the listening to support.

I considered being an Uber driver, however I simply realized they’ll  take into account going driverless.

FYI: Jan, now searching for employment.

Humor columnist and Laguna Woods Village resident Jan Marshall is the writer of humor books for grownups, together with “Dancin Schmancin With the Scars.” She additionally has written aspirational books for kids — “The Toothbrush Who Tried to Run Away“ and “The Littlest Hero.” She’s the founding father of the Worldwide Humor and Therapeutic Institute in 1986. She’s a medical hypnotherapist, a TV host and media humorist, and — above all — a proud great-grandmother. Contact her at

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